Can anyone tell me a joke?

Venetta Coulbourne: here are some not sure if you will think they are funny but they tiggled me!!Who designed Noah's ark?An ark-itect ! Why does history keep repeating itself ?Because we weren't listening the first time ! Who succeeded the first President of the USA ?The second one ! Who invented King Arthur's round table ?Sir Circumference ! Why did Tigger look in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh! What do you get when you cross poison ivy and a four leaf clover? A rash of good luck! What do you get when you cross a cheetah & a hamburger? Fast Food! What do you get when you cross a hula dancer with a boxer? A Hawaiian Punch!What do you get when you cross Batman & Robin with a steamroller? Flatman & Ribbon!What do you get when you cross a galaxy with a toad? Star Warts!What do you get when you cross a Karate expert with a pig? Pork chops!What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Coo-kies!...Show more

An Cardine: I found my favorite on this site a long time ago.Q! : Why did Simba's father die?A: Because he didn't mufasanough!

Rosella Figliola: i've got a couple Question:why did the chicken cross the road?answer:caz he felt like itQuestion:why was the guy looking down in the toiletanswer:he was looking for poo as in winnie the pooh and pooQuestion:how did the dofus trip overanswer:he fell over the (wireless phone) hehehehe that one was a cracker...Show more

Otto Lingafelt: a guy on holiday in Spain is going right into a eating place and at modern encounters a scrumptious aroma. He figures out this is coming from a dish being served to a guy close to him and so he calls the waiter and asks, "what's that guy over there eating? It smells great!" The waiter says, "those are the bull testicles from the bullfight this morning, Senor." the guy is a sprint bowled over at this, yet orders them nonetheless, and beneficial sufficient, they're scrumptious. He comes returned the following day and orders an identical project. He famous ! it as stable as earlier, yet is a sprint disappointed with the! aid of the skimpy length of the dish. So he calls the waiter over returned and complains, "it replaced into nevertheless stable, yet you probably did no longer supply me very lots!" The waiter replies, "Si, Senor, now and returned the bull wins."...Show more

Jene Kostyla: read, made in brazils, joke.

Barton Sease: sure. i don't have like a FAVORITE joke or anything i'll just tell u some funny quotes or stuff. here goes:Ross: Hey guys wanna watch a movie?Phoebe: No thanks, i've already seen one- FriendsI think that the best fruit of all are grapes, coz if u get a crappy apple or banana u've gotta throw them away, But when u get a crappy grape u'll just take the next one.- Demetri MartinWhat did the cookie say when the guy stepped on it?I dunno, they don't TALKWhat do u call a fish which lives on land? a dead fishKnock-knockWho's there?Oh just let me in!MORON JOKES:How did the moron fall on the floor?He tripped over the cordless phone.How did the moron try to kil! l a bird?He threw it off a mountain cliff !Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?To see what was on the other side!How do you confuse a moron?Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner! hOpe Ur laughing!...Show more

Jeff Frizzell: An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning. "I'm sorry,” he said, “but I'll not be able to come in today as I'm too sick." On hearing this, his exasperated boss could barely conceal his anger and retorted in a rage. "Well, just how sick are you?" he demanded. "Well," the employee sighed, "I'm in bed with my sister!"...Show more

Bruce Calise: This is my all time favorite.Who's This GuyAfter a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand."There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.He opened the drawer of the bedside! table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed pic! ture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry."Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously."No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?" he asked."No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear."Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."...Show more

Russel Gajate: PepsiCo Sued Over Broken NailCALIFORNIA (OCN) â€" A California model is trying to sue PepsiCo, makers of many Pepsi variants, for an alleged defective can.The hand model, 26-year-old Janessa ‘Nessa’ Taylor says while she was attempting to open a can of Manzanita SOL, the metal ring on the can broke her nail.“This not only caused her [Taylor] nail to break” says attorney, Anthony Chamberlain “but pain as well and caused my client to drop out of a hand modeling job for a local jewelry store.”Chamberlain goes on to say that the can does not have a warning label to protect consumers, like his cli! ent, and is seking damages for Taylor’s loss of wages and pain and suffering....Show more

Pam Rampadarat: Whats full of sh*t and makes a lot off money?The media

Jeannetta Gaffigan: This are my funny jokes I hope you find them funny to :DThere was this guy who loved onions more than anything, until he met this girl and fell in love. So he vowed to give them up because they gave him so much gas. One day he was walking down the street by a market and they were having an onion sale. He couldn't resist and so he bought one and it was so good, he ate the whole thing.Later he met up with his gf and she told him that she had a surprise for him at home, but before they entered the house she put him on a blind fold.When they entered the house the phone rang and she went into the kitchen to answer it. Well by now, the onions has begin to kick in and he had to fart. So he listened out and heard her still on the phone so he let out a loud fart. Umm that feels much better h! e said. A few seconds later, he had to fart again, so he listened for h! er again and she was still on the phone. This times he couldn't hold back and let out the loudest fart you have ever heard. A few seconds later his gf re-entered the room. Are you ready for the suprise she said. O.k you can take off the blind fold." SUPRISE" everyone shouted!!!!!!Jack meets the priest of the town. While saying hello, Jack asks, "So, how's it going?""Nothing special, my son. I've just got some dam fish""Wh-what?""Oh, no! I mean D-A-M, the dam at the exit of our town""Ohh!! You mean DAM fish!! Sorry for the misunderstanding!"After some laughter, Jack decides to have some fish for his family. His wife's there, waiting for him."Hi, darling! How are you?""I'm alright, I've just bought some dam fish," says Jack, reacting immediately to his wife's astonished face. "Oh, darling, I mean D-A-M - DAM fish. Don't get me wrong!""Oh! Sorry, dear."It was finally time to eat. Hmm! The smell of the food was delicious, so little Johnny can't help asking,"So, what's for dinne! r?""You won't believe it! Your father's brought some dam fish""I see, mom. Can you now pass me the f***ing potatoes, please?A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say's hello. He's rather taken a back, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my *** with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?" She said, looks at him strangely and replies"No, I'm your son's math teacher."you have 5 secs:you walk into a haunted house with no electricity. the front door screeches as you open it up. up to the right, you see cobwebs. to the left, broken stairs. so you continue forward. you have a choice between two doors: on! e has star on it, the other a moon. you choose the door with the moon. ! a bat flies over your head as you enter the room. you approach a second set of doors... one wood and one metal. you choose to go through the wooden door. you hear a sound so you continue forward. you must choose a way to die. you can either go to the man with the gun - a quick, painless death- or the electric chair - known to be slow and painful. which do you choose?scrollelectric chair bc there is no electricityA man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your ne! ck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.....do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"His wife responds:"He wasn't kissing my neck - he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him It was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too."Part One:What is greater than God and more evil than the Devil?Part Two:The Rich man wants it, but the Poor man has it.NothingSon takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it....Show more

Bennie Lantgen: The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk twoto a room. No onewanted to room with Daryl because he snored sobadly. They decided itwasn't fair to ! make one of them stay with him thewhole time, so theyvoted to take turn! s.The first guy slept with Daryl and comes tobreakfast the next morningwith his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.They said, "Man, whathappened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly,I just sat up andwatched him all night."The next night it was a different guy's turn. In themorning, samething--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshotThey said, "Man, whathappened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man,that Daryl shakes theroof. I watched him all night."The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a bigburly ex-footballplayer; a man's man.The next morning he came tobreakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it!They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night... He sat up and watched me all night long."haha i like that one, not heard it in ages......Show more

Davis Zou: umm.....How do you drowned a blond....glue a mirror to the bottom of the! pool